A catalog of certainties

that occur when coming off anti-depression/anxiety meds:

1. You will have no skin. No way to deflect the slightest hint of negativity. Every exasperated sigh, even from people you know love you, will cut you to the quick.

2. You will be paranoid. In absence of any or very little evidence, you will believe that strangers hate you and think you are crap at everything. You will hate them back and lash out without being able to stop yourself. The words and actions you visualize come forth, despite all efforts.

3. You will feel exposed. Walking through a store or other public area you will feel certain that you stand out, and not for any good reason. Your inability to cope/function/fit in is being broadcast in your smile, eye contact, clothing choices and hair color.

4. You will feel intensely. All emotions will be heightened and result in crying, even the good ones. Sentimental tears held back will make the muscles around your eyes ache. Your breathing will always feel like the post-crying kind. Frustrations will be epic and you will feel certain you are actually oppressed by even the most minor obstacle.

5. You will be certain that everyone in your vicinity does everything they do to either hurt you or help you. You are the center of it all.

6. You will make bad decisions. You will find your instinct/judgment to be off often enough to be frightening.

7. You will get worse when you end each episode with the litany of self-hatred. You know you have one. That's what got you here in the first place.

Knowing this does not always help, but Don't. Give. Up.

What the meds do can be accomplished at home, folks, the old fashioned way. It's what you say inside your muddled, probably dizzy head. Forgive yourself. Forgive everyone else. Give the world the benefit of the doubt. Assume your husband loves you and does not consciously take advantage of opportunities to subvert your authority or happiness. Assume your kids don't know they are ruining your life with their fighting and slovenliness. Remember they don't know you even have a life to ruin. Don't expect appealing to their (inappropriate/non-existent) concern for your happiness to work.

That is all, for now.